The only way this story gets better is if Belichick signs the puncher just to troll the Jets.

No jury in the tristate area would convict him.

Enemkpali has been cut? I would have named him team MVP.

Seriously, it’s an insect, not a used condom.

He laughed and looked back at us and said “Can’t waste a good beer” while peeling the dead insect from his empty cup and tossing it onto the aisle steps beside him.

Their name is the Browns. Their color is orange. How was this post longer than that?

Roger Goodell is already formulating violations he can invent to put this one in his place when the time comes....

weed isnt a drug its a lifestyle

Player: Hello Coach Chip, how are you today?

“I honestly can’t remember half of it but that’s no excuse”

I’ve never understood the “it’s because I was drunk” defense. In vino veritas, y’all.

Colleague: More wood?

There’ll be 4,080 new thought pieces about Smith, but I don’t know what’s left to say other than “I really hope he gets the help he needs.”

He’s going to look pretty good in a Bears uniform next season.

This was so close to a really good joke and then you had to keep writing. So close.

Eh.. that’s what I would do.

DeSean Jackson (shoulder) did not speak to reporters as he left field after practice.

Hmm, I dunno, “Jezebel commenter” Ken Yadiggit

Only one way to find out :(

“It’s no cooking bacon on a machine gun, chainsawing the tax code in half, or smashing a cell phone with a blunt object, but it’s a solid stunt video in that it is both mildly impressive and definitive proof that the candidate is a desperate whore.”