Maybe I could use that as an excuse the next time my mother complains about my apartment.

When my parents had trouble to conceive they looked into adoption. They were both around 30 at the time and were denied because they were ‘too old’. Apparently you have to figure out from the get go that you want to adopt, have to have problems to have children of your own, but be in perfect health otherwise.

They’re cats in disguise.

It could be right if they wanted to say that the treatment results in a fetus, which it kind of does.

I wonder why nobody has come up with a way to figure out if the baby will fit through the mother’s hips.

26 years ago they did a C-section on my mother less than 12 hours after her water broke because she wasn’t going into labor no matter what they did. She was also 38, which was considered ancient back then.

In a properly fitted bra 34G isn’t that big.

I think my mother’s favourite hobby when I was a kid was boiling vegetables into defeat and then annihilating them in the microwave. It took me years to realize that most vegetables weren’t supposed to be brown/beige.

Liposuctions always look as if they’re trying to saw the patient in half.

That sounds like a very badly named facility for people who are too obese to live on their own.

Now I wonder what the Ministry of Love would bake into their granola bars.

But I wanted to declare the carbonation in my lemonade as unicorn farts.

Where you the guy who sat next to me on the bus and kept ranting this story to someone else? It’s the exact same scenario.

But then German customs would detain most of his pets again.

All jokes aside, their original estate Schloss Molsberg is just a stone’s throw away from where I live.

That one is a legit title at least.

War is the oldest sport in the world.

Were any of them Gauls by chance?

The fact that they had to explain the relationship Americans have with guns to other people is troubling.

He wasn’t one of the shooting victims, if that’s any relief for you.