This is the hardest I have laughed in two weeks. If I somehow ever see his corpulent ass on a staircase I’m going to yell “Come on, you can do it!”

I have a brand new puppy and she’s been having digestive issues today. I Web-MD-convinced myself she had Parvo. I took her to the vet and they said she seemed okay, no fever, but to keep an eye on her. Now we’re back at home and she’s sleeping and I can’t tell if it’s normal puppy sleeping or lethargic sick sleeping.…

I feel like I’m losing my mind.

His days sound like the last years of my grandmas life. He’s probably also really glad the black guy isn’t on Regis and Kelly anymore and really hates that Octomom woman!!!1

The impossible convenience of it all! I fucking love it. It’s like something out of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Remember when he claimed that, like, a plane had crashed into a mountain and everyone had survived *except* *most SUSPICIOUSLY!* Obama’s doctor!

It just makes me want to whip a frozen Sprite at the Phanatic!!!!!!!

Something about the all-caps WWW. is killing me

Fantastic, see you in there. Thanks again for helping me and others demystify and organize this deluge of news.

On my end, I actually have view-only access right now.

This is fantastic! I’m working on a big Google Drive collection of names, numbers, and news, as well as associated Google Alerts for my reps. This will be included therein. Thank you.

Oh my god, absolutely. My mother and I reference this episode and kid endlessly, for years now. “Send it to the field,” etc.

To be clear and correct, a majority of white women *who voted* voted for Trump. A majority of white women, full stop, did not.

“Blue lives matter. What, was you *born* a police? That is not a blue life. That is a blue suit. If you don’t like it, take that suit off, find a new job”

So well put. Thank you. A strong distillation of my thoughts and what I hope is right.

No, I agree with you entirely. It’s well-intentioned but disheartening and self-defeating.

Coincidentally, the other tab I have open right now is

My new puppy comes home Sunday. She’s a Golden Retriever. We named her Barbara. I will take her for long walks in the park and tell her about the good old days.

Hooray for all and half hooray for Peter Sarsgaard!

The first part of this has the feel of a “Mom and Dad aren’t living together anymore but we still love you very much” couch talk.