Maybe it’s time people stop trusting billion dollar corporations.

I paid an extra dollar for parking at the Indians game on Saturday because the dude at the $5 lot had a mullet. It was truly worth a closer look for that dollar. 

“Tesla to roll in with a new model”

I’m sure, much like the tape of Ray Rice punching his fiance that the NFL definitely didn’t have. But they did. 

Actually while there is no cure for aids it is no longer the death sentence it once was, and many patients go on to live normal lives with the disease.

Maybe if you guys try hard enough you could pray the injury away.

They have a camp to cure that, ask Drew Brees about it. 

Look I know he was born a righty, and has been a righty his whole life. But maybe there’s a place that could help him, change, and become a lefty. Maybe a place where he could spend a couple weeks really working on it.

Fake news that was Billy Vegas! 

Why wouldn’t a woman want to talk to the NFL? People act like the NFL had a tape of a woman being punched out in an elevator by one of their players and did nothing about it.

A racist piece of trash trying to say he isn’t a racist piece of trash.

You're old-fashioned. 

So driving down a dirt road, or through construction, I should pull over every time I need to clear the dust off the windshield, and wipe it down with a rag and some windex?

I like to think it’s karmic retribution for when they brought in rape-enabler Art Briles as an advisor.

As a Clevelander who hates football, this story brings me great joy.

Just wait until he tells this story to the guys at the precinct on Monday!

Is there something in the water in Philadelphia or is CTE contagious? 

Certainly not football. No sir. It was his lack of a father growing up (no need to fact check this!), obviously.