Some shit faced dick bag stole my chicken salad croissant today from the work refrigerator. I AM GOING TO FIND OUT WHO DIS IT AND BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN.

This is all manufactured so she can drop her rap album, Leaving Low-Key.

My dad loves Lady Gaga, so I have no idea.

On that note, doesn’t herpes sound great? I mean, look at all those smiling people kayaking and riding horses. It’s like they know a secret the rest of us don’t. They seem to be having WAY more fun than me.

“Here is what I don’t get. Can Katrina Pierson ever get any job, ever again? I mean maybe she can get some new job and such, but could she ever be a surrogate, work in PR, or be a spokesperson ever again?”

I want nachos and hot dogs. Also, I’m not motivated at work currently.

I’m not dignifying this shit anymore, what is there left to do? It is clear we are divided and that the other side has no interest in disavowing their nominee. Therefore, I am hijacking this post. I ate a footlong and bag of chips two hours ago and I’m still hungry. I want nachos and hot dogs. Also, I’m not motivated…

Shine on, etc, etc.

Making that kind of money he was obviously sending around Joe Biden and cat gifs, of which there is an insatiable demand, maybe via Snapchat.

Was he doing snapchat tho? Asking for a friend.

Or photos of them together.

...and this genre always addresses dad’s anxieties, not the moms, because moms who aren’t all up in their kids’ grilles are evil, bad, vile, depraved unwomen. :p

My only complaint is that they didn’t name the movie “Mister Fuzzypants”.

I’m gonna get baked as fuck and see this, I will not lie

How did Christopher Walken—CHRISTOPHER WALKEN—skate with a pass on the “how the hell did he decide to do this” question? I mean, this is a man who is legendarily mesmerizing on-screen. How did he decide, “Yes! Yes, I will be the magical pet store owner who transforms Kevin Spacey into a cat to teach him lessons about…

At the end, it turns out that Kevin Spacey was Kitty Soze all along.

My husband shocked me yesterday by saying he wanted us to see this because the cat looks like our two cats. Should I despair at his terrible taste in films or be glad that he loves our cats so much?

I don’t know about endorsements on Instagram, but there are entire companies whose marketing consists of paying YouTube “beauty gurus” to use their products in videos and say how great they are. It’s patently obvious if you’re an adult, but a teenager just getting into that stuff probably won’t identify it as a paid…

I bought those gummy “hair growth” vitamins that Khloe Kardashian is holding in the lead picture. I saw her shilling them elsewhere, and although I have a deep, profound distaste of the Kardashians/Jenners (though I did used to like Khloe before her bullshit Twitter fight with Chloe Grace Moretz, and Kendall seems…

I’m pretty sure there has been research that has shown that people have inaccurate perceptions about whether or not advertising affects them.

Which is to say: Everybody always claims to see right through all of the advertising. It works anyway. It’s subconscious.