The fate of trillions of beings depends on whether they purchased the Standard or Professional edition of Microsoft Project.

20% down in 100 years... so in another 400 years the Dyson Sphere could be complete, assuming they don’t run out of resources. I hope alien project managers are better than our own.

I hate that the AP article headline calls him a “family man.”

Sociopathy. The general desire to control others. That this worm assaulted a senior citizen suggests he targets anyone or anything he thinks he's strong enough to easily dominate. He killed the bird because he could.

Seems to me they euthanized the wrong goddamn animal >:(

I’m also curious how she failed to complete the program, given that some of this usually involves paying fees.

What is the ostensible reason not to allow an inmate to shower? It's amazing to me the depth of torture we allow prison guards to inflict upon inmates for no reason at all.

All responsible gun owners are responsible gun owners right up until they aren't. Weird how that works.

- Andy Kaufman in a yellow New York taxi

The same father who instilled in his son values and taught him that an unconscious woman is his for the taking? Yeah, I could see that apple falling from that tree.

No problem with him being on his kid’s side. Kind of a huge problem with him ISSUING A STATEMENT when his kid just got a criminally lenient sentence. Just shut the fuck up, let your kid serve his six months, and be grateful the world still revolves around privileged white guys.

Yeah. Fuck that guy. Now we know where the kid gets the entitled, irresponsible attitude.

20 minutes out of a life is actually a really long time to violate someone when you consider that you can kill in seconds. Time isn’t indicative of harm.

“and that he will “never be his happy go lucky self [sic]” again.”

From what I gathered as reported by The Daily Mail, who have no compunction about being explicit, he digitally penetrated her and felt a breast.

I typically don’t like to criticize the sentencing decisions of judges, because the news typically does a poor job of conveying the facts (like mitigating factors). That said, this sentence is atrocious and is a slap in the face of the victim and the community

only a rapist would think like that—that by getting drunk all she was doing was offering up an opportunity to any passing dude capable of raping an unconscious woman (like you—because you saw it as an opportunity too, and proved that by making this comment). at least you know yourself, right? cool. you should go look…

But??

Off the bench, judge.

Also, did anyone else catch the commercial in which he says, "I'm Ryan Lochte, and I'm here to finish first"? I saw it the first day and haven't seen it since, but goddamn, it made me laugh. I just imagined him saying that to one of his one-night stands.