I need more time devoted to telling me what is and what is not a joke in the sporting world. The large one’s utterances shall suffice.

“That tears it, we’re replacing the news update with a home shaving kit and/or Progressive Insurance ad” — Li’l Mike

To give you an idea of Mack’s longevity, he’s still 1000 wins free and clear of the second-place all-time manager, and he has a sub-.500 record.

Czervik: I’ll bet that when you rent a tux like that, they give you a free bowl of soup, huh?

“And that requizission I put in for spell check 9 years ago has never been honered. This is intolorabel.”

Earlier this week, during a Arizona/Los Angeles game on the MLB network, Vin explained why the foul pole has the netting. Apparently it all stems from a particular game at the Polo Grounds in the 1930s. A GAME VIN SCULLY WAS AT.

To be fair, it was being broadcast on tape delay on the Collectibles Shopping Channel at 4:00 am between two guys screaming about coins and a creepy war memorabilia vendor

I’m just happy to see Jay Beagle get a shot in the big leagues after his legendary performance at Puppy Cup XCIV

“Tuesday Weld is real box office poison” — a favorable review for Pretty Poison

I actually found “Just Stamp the Ticket Guy” fan-art, meaning that the internet can still amaze after all these years.

Those Los Angelenos, they’re mad for Wentzler Carls or George Wendt or whatever his name is from West Montana St.

It’s like the destitute Catholic factory worker in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life trying the national lottery just once before selling the kids off for medical experiments.

It’s like they say, the only thing worse than judges exercising discretion is judges not being able to exercise discretion because politicians wanted to run on a “private prison construction corporation profits today, private prison construction corporation profits tomorrow, private prison construction corporation…

Converted to metric, it’s approximately 108 kiloseconds

It’s better than 15-day DL (fell in chocolate river, got shot out of chocolate purification tube)

Holden: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.

Me: (long diatribe and summary of scientific studies)

I can’t make any definite pronouncement on one’s ethnicity, but I always remember him from Darren Aronofsky’s first film (Pi) as a Jewish math prof.

Cruz: “Oh look, one of my moppets has a question for me”