Still can’t believe she married that dork from the Kids in the Hall sketch.

I mean, growing up my favorite movie was Torah! Torah! Torah!

The bad news: Rams mortgaging their future to draft mediocre QB to install in imagination-less offensive system run by a lifetime tight ends coach and barely overseen by mustachioed mediocrity Jeff FIsher.

That St. Louis Blues player sure is W.C. Handy with a stick.

Those Skinner boxes are more psychologically destructive that ever anticipated; imagine going to write for Gawker after being imprisoned in one for two decades

“How the hell did I get pulled into this?”— Angus ‘Robert the Bruce’ Macfadyen

I’m rooting for the Rockets, if only to turn this nickel into $3.9 million based on what I’m assuming will be astronomical betting odds.

They just wanted it more!, the rallying cry of winners like the undefeated 1939-1943 German Army team.

And yet Mr. Miyagi gets off scot-free, simply by preparing for the rub by slapping and rubbing his palms together in Ancient Eastern Technique.

Unless this slanderous utterance is retracted and the right outcome reached in this series of interminable lawsuits, universal day care and maternity leave may indefinitely remain a pipe dream.

I thought salads were supposed to be good.

Alls I know is I shined a laser pointer at the wall at work and caused a 9-millennial pile-up.

Check it out, if you transpose the ‘a’ and ‘e’ in taxes, you get something else entirely. I wonder if anybody has read it this way? I guess we’ll never know if anybody has and what the contours of that misreading alt-universe look like.

“Jeez, what’s the big deal?” — Wesley Snipes

No Cousins, no Rondo, no problem! I’m penciling in Dwight for 9 points, 4 boards, and 5 fouls in 22 minutes, Harden will get a double-double with TO’s, and Jason Terry will succumb to the pharaoh’s curse and turn to dust in the 3rd quarter.

Ironic that a team owned by Starz would have such a paucity of anything resembling a star.

But what if they developed a vaccine that completely eliminated the desire to star in single digit-approved* comedies like Dirty Grandpa?

I personally like the psychological approach of challenging the readers [sic] with repeated “Are you MAN enough to believe what I’m TYPING?” interludes

Once we start taxing reporters’ rhetorical and/or useless questions I think we can finally tell the Chinese banks to go fuck themselves. Hell this guy alone could wipe out this year’s deficit.

All they need is a cardboard cutout of the owner with pieces of clothing removed after wins and the team’ll be right as rain in no time. Wait, the owner is ‘Liberty Media Corporation’? Well, corporations are people too, so I guess a cardboard cutout of the late Antonin Scalia.