“Thank God, our plan worked” — Republican “consultant” attorneys hired by State of Indiana to rack up billable hours defending a law they know to be unconstitutional, and who knows, maybe we’ll get a dumbshit judge and be successful this time, but probably not.

(Elmore Leonard comes back from the dead to turn this story into a novella)

The problem is that they consistently rob customers of any gold rings they might have on their person.

Shades of Michael “Republicans Buy Sneakers Too” Jordan where a 1% commitment to a relatively minor cause could have saved North Carolina the last decade of Jesse Helms’ senile bigotry.

It’s one of the pivotal scenes in L’Avventura, Monica Vitti in the courtyard searching for her friend while Italian men of all ages settle around her like the birds in The Birds (although it came out 3 years earlier)

Way to go, Jennifer, you could have closed the gender wage gap by yourself if you hadn’t let a reprobate produce it. Guess we’re stuck at 77 cents.

They were truly the Tango & Cash of the ancient world, mixed with Zelig because every pivotal event involved them somehow.

Finally, what can happen when the Department of Silly Pitches gets fully funded for 8 years. Thanks, Obama!

(millennial scoff) More like Lucius Voracious and Titus El Pollo

This has to be a stressful time for the Cardinals, so do what I do for relaxation: drink a pint of scotch and slowly mess up the alphabet backwards.

He isn’t dead, he’s pining for the fjords of his birthplace, Canada.

I dunno, I was thinking more along the lines of “Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction.”

(1) cosplaying as Python pet store manager

John Cornyn, the other Republican Senator from Texas, won’t endorse him, so I guess familiarity breeds contempt. In New York’s case, even passing familiarity breeds contempt. Or maybe just his unctuous, smarmy, look-ma-I-just-won-a-debate-in-my-mind countenance breeds contempt. In any event he’s contemptible.

“Singleton! The next time you hit .150 in spring training, you owe me fifty pushups and a trip to Fresno to start the year at triple-A!”

Related: Collin McHugh, he of the 135.00 ERA after yesterday’s game, looks like It’s Always Sunny’s Mac, but after offseason weight loss rather than weight gain

In recognition of your name, Springer shouldn’t be doing that olé shit dance move.

At least he got in a crack about DeAndre’s FT% on the way back down the court

They could clean up and re-release 1979's Bulgarian Star Wars featuring Iaon Solo as a standalone and probably make $1 billion worldwide

The recent spate of Latin American players with names that begin with Y: why?