Jeez, Bryn Bongo, just go down to the County filing office and copy the Death Star plans like a normal person.

Yesterday’s Mallorcan local news TODAY!

Good ol’ Sam “A Page Per Win” Hinkie

Not even halfway through April and my favorite prog rock guy (Keith Emerson), one of my favorite rappers (Phife), and my #2 country guy (Merle) have gone on, but left behind a damn treasure trove

You’ve stumbled onto the grand conspiracy: Slate pays other sites to talk about them, like that socially awkward rich kid who used to try to buy friends*

The sentence containing the word “multimodality” sounds like something I would say while doing my withering impersonation of ancient cracker gasbag William F. Buckley.

So this is the name of a hockey team and not an environmentally conscious semi-pro indoor ultimate frisbee league team?

Piscotty Tough, But Mercer Rule Invoked as Cards Shuffle Off

That sure is a wacky claim! I hope that he is not successful in it! Cannot wait for tomorrow’s local news story of dubious import and fleeting memorability!

To be fair, Meldonium is a legal antidepressant proscribed for people who will in future have to spend any amount of time in North Dakota.

Does Feyonce make handkerchiefs and lead-based face powder for fops?

With as much whining as Girardi does and the “I guess the Yankees are America’s team because I live close to New York” sportswriting corps there to cover such whining, I call dibs on the username “ImNotEvenAYankeesFanBut,” because that introductory clause is going to be used about 1.9 million times

Just say “uncatchable, ergo no pass interference” most mooks know the analogy.

Great scheduling, MLB, it was in the high 70s/low 80s this week in Houston, but couldn’t have it there. I guess BOS/CLE was lose-lose regardless.

I got some stem cells delivered by a taxpayer-funded drone just this morning, and the skin around my triceps has never been firmer. Thanks, Planned Parenthood/StemExpress!

I’d have to start at an entry level position, like thinking up imaginative captions for screengrabs. Some of my standby favorites are “Wow,” “Look at This,” and, if it’s after hours, “Holy Shit.”

The Spurs are just sitting there waiting for the next pick up game like the cagey 40something at the recreation center, adjusting his elbow pads and using a special solution to clean his sports goggles.

I’m only allowed to clean today? Well that sounds like a load of baloney.

I’m only allowed to clean today? Well that sounds like a load of baloney.

I still can’t believe these dipshits are going to occupy Elysium or similar orbital 1%er ring habitat while the rest of us scramble for water and shade on a boiling death-planet.

(Gibbons immediately arrested) “The P.C. police? I thought you were an urban legend!” “Urban as code for ‘black’? You keep diggin’ that hole, buddy.”