“When I was in charge of the United States Football League, we didn’t have this problem. We didn’t have TIME to have that problem.”

Damn, and I was hoping Jimbo could have gotten Jim Bob Cooter and Dabo Swinney and they could have all showed up in Baton Rouge in a Beverly Hillbillies-style jalopy

About time they greenlit The Graduate II, always wondered where those crazy kids were headed off to.

Just waiting for the audible twig-snap inside his brain when he starts rattling off personal information about an upstart reporter (name/Social Security number/names and ages of children, mileage on primary automobile) in response to a not-particularly-pointed question.

For maximum dark comedy, he should light the Lakers backdrop using a copy of his contract fashioned into a torch just before leaving

David Price Sweatshirt

“Kobe, will your retirement hurt the team?”

PHI Coach: Lke us, the original ‘76ers had a few setbacks

(records video)

It’s too bad the miserable Rockets in a (double-digit loss) weren’t more resolute in their Hack-a-Drummond strategy, as he went a sturdy 4-for-18 from the charity stripe.

It sure is, along with people who play millionaires at parties.

You see, the problem is the fact that they’re not full-time NFL employees. On Tuesday, most go back to their regular jobs as pharmaceutical test subjects or guys who shoot birds at the airport.

And WHAT a gift, I can’t wait to participate in my office’s ordinarily boring White Elephant exchange.

Reporter: (reads KD’s defense to Kobe) So Kobe, would you consider Kevin Durant a friend after this?

I’m feelin’ seasonal right now

I’ll give it up, nothing keeps him from his afternoon nap precisely one hour before the Early Bird Buffet begins at the local Sizzler

A brief google search says this is George R.R. Martin’s fault, and has previously been propagated by J.J. Watt (naturally), Richard Sherman, and Ted Leo-nsis.

Hopefully his retirement won’t affect his biggest fans (the fine jewelers of Rodeo Drive who specialize in 7-figure apology pieces)

Not many people realize that “Dear Basketball” is the third in a trilogy which include “Dear Never-Ending Well of Resentment” and “Dear Friendlessness”

Every reporter should know by now that invoking “feelings” or “emotions” around the Belichick AI brings it one step closer to sterilizing the Earth of biological imperfections.