I mean, say what you will about Elizabeth Holmes, but my god is she an amazing pioneer in the field of gender equality for massive corporate con-jobs. 

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

Robert Kraft: [hugs]

No, instead you have the asshole who bought the team as a passion project for his wife.

Trump added $4 billion to his assets with the previously unused and extremely nebulous line item “Brand Value.”

Yeah. Shame about the country though.

I too am a billionaire if you estimate the value of my brand at $4 billion. Please don’t make me own the Bills.

You know things are bad when my initial thought was surprise/relief that at least it wasn’t a high school student...

No, but we can point out that you don’t have a sense of humor.

+2 soon?

I take solace in the fact that Darren Rovell is working hard to figure out what type of car Boeheim was driving.

He was initially charged with reckless driving but after review it was determined the guy wasn’t set and the call was reversed. 

I feel bad for Zion’s knee. But this is tremendous content.

The subtitle got cut off by kinja:

Does Kellyanne emerge out of her crypt every day with the thought “Today is the day that everyone will finally be convinced by the bullshit I’m spewing.”?

She looks like Reese Witherspoon after being in the microwave for 20 minutes.

“For the longest time, I just couldn’t figure out why everyone hated me,”

“I used to feel really bad for myself. Like, Why don’t I have any friends? Why don’t girls like me? Why does everyone s—- talk me? Am I really that bad of a person?”

Fun fact for all you CLE fans: Trevor Bauer anagrammed = “Ever Our Brat.”

Bauer is on the “Post-playing career Curt Schilling in training” program and boys I think he’s gonna pass with flying colors.