Based on your criteria, I would also recommend avoiding the entire Philly metro area as well.

Please tell me you're kidding.

So who’s throwing at Utley’s head tomorrow? Who’s the last guy in the Met’s bullpen? He may as well volunteer for a short start tomorrow.

No mention of Josh Hamilton’s impending coke bender in the bathroom of a TGI Fridays in the middle of the playoffs? For shame.

What is Andy Reid doing without a hot dog?

If they were like Papelbon, they'd be watching baseball the right way: in their underwear on their couch, drunk as shit, and cruising monster.com for a new job.

Serious question: can a hurricane put out a tire fire?

Was this about Harper running out the fly ball? Probably not. But do we have evidence that this was “explicitly” about the other night? I haven’t seen any- sure I think it was but you’re overstating it when you treat it as fact.

Can someone explain the rationale behind having to have 7 men on the ball - at least in this context, and not literally having 5 guys in the backfield?

I have a friend that’s an Astros and Nationals fan. I had a hard time deciding which clip to mock him with tonight.

Can someone please get me out of the grays? This is getting so tiring.

So, Sean Lee’s knee is going to fall off next week, right?

Any of the dozen Rob Ryan ate yesterday.

That makes me wonder if one can be fined under the league minimum salary. I assume it has happened, but it does seem sort of inconsistent with the idea of a minimum salary.

“We traded Nick Foles for a quarterback that has shoulders made of Funyuns”

So the party of personal responsibility now wants to be in the business of “protecting women” from their own decisions? Should they also protect me from having buyer’s remorse over that new car I’m ogling? Should they bar me from majoring in philosophy because I might find it difficult to get a job after I graduate?

Is that a caulk gun? It looks like a caulk gun.

How is this different from the Marlins’ stadium?

There is no god

May I suggest new friends?