Trump Supporter: My penis doesn’t work and I can’t bend over to tie my shoes. I haven’t challenged myself mentally in 25 years and loud sounds frighten me. This is all the fault of people who write poop jokes on the internet.

Some of us also lost loved family members to those unsafe, poorly constructed shitboxes. You want to know what got those safety records improved? Regulations.

I look forward to a future of ever recursive hyperloops solving smaller and smaller transpiration problems.

Just like the Olympics and World Cup, the NFL will increasingly go to wherever it can get the most money, actual facts on the ground be damned. I’m convinced we’re less than 10 years away from a team in Oklahoma City or Fargo or some fucking backwater like that simply because the governmental structure at both the…

Electing an aggressively un-informed moron with a hair trigger temper to be the most important person in the country is working out splendidly. He doesn’t even have any power yet.

The best situation would be to build a button that kills every white american over the age of 50. I’d miss some of them. I’d shed a tear for my parents. But I’d push that fucking button so fast I’d sprain my finger. Our only hope for salvation is that this corrupt, brain-dead generation so thoroughly damages the…

Congratulations! I pulled myself out of similar spiral during my senior year of college. I was so depressed and anxious I couldn’t do anything but drink and feel sad and was on the verge of failing basically everything. I had experimented with psychadelics previously but usually in addition to whatever I had already…

The policies of the [vomits] president elect are very much related to science, technology, the climate, and pretty much everything else Gizmodo touches on. If you don’t want your reality ruined by how bad our moldy hunk of racist velveeta’s policies are go to Breitbart where I’m sure you’ll be reassured that you…

There are only 80-some in the states. It’s kind of weird. I parked next to a fairly generic Ferrari the other day and had to laugh to myself as I was driving something far harder to acquire.

Exactly. I lose 3 or 4 mpg when i have the rack on and that’s just with the rack. I put my bike on top and I’m driving a Chevy Suburban.

I lucked into a 6 speed manual in the [crazy nordic word] trim, so it’s the electric blue color with all blue leather and interior details. I paid less than you would for a 2010 Subaru Outback in Portland and so far my most expensive repair has been replacing all 4 tires when I hit a pothole and exploded my right rear…

The rack thing completely baffles me. I drive a 2006 V70R and I’ve had complete strangers walk up and insist what I need is an expensive rack to complete the “look” of my car. When I tell them I took the rack off because it made a weird whistling sound with the sunroof open they act like I’ve neutered Michaelangelo’s…

Paul Ryan is the worst of the bunch. Objectively worse than Trump, Bannon, or any of the clown-car shit show they’ll pack into the White House. Ryan’s vision of a federal government is a smoldering ruin surrounded by garbage heaps picked over by the people abandoned because they are objectively inferior (they just…

Also, you say “I’m not racist, but” right before you say something racist. You say “I know it’s a small sample size” right before you posit a theory that the data SEEMS to support but may not. The correct analogy to “I’m not racist, but” is “Colin Cowherd said” as both prove you are a racist.

Reading this almost makes up for the fact that Comcast’s shitty DVR box decided to stop recording after the bottom of the 7th.

The final evolution of Baez-god is going to be amazing to behold. He cut his strikeout rate in half this season while getting nearly a full seasons worth of at bats spread across 5 positions on the diamond. You know Maddon has some ultra crazy scheme like teaching Baez a cutter and switching him between pitcher and…

As a cubs fan I’m thrilled we won’t see him again this year. That was a masterful performance and I’m jealous giants fans get to watch him work regularly.

I’d buy his jersey and sign up for redzone or whatever if that happened.

I have my doubts about Downey. Remember he’s the guy who was leaking these same kind of secrets on various web forums. I would imagine if you had secrets of this type to hide you wouldn’t go anywhere near this. Also, just because he made a movie with Haim doesn’t mean he’s the only famous actor Haim spent time with in…

The Expanse is currently my favorite series (book) and is rapidly moving up my all time favorite list. The protomolecule is such a great organizing principle for a series. Even in Nemesis Games, which is mostly about planetary politics, it’s lurking in the background waiting to unleash havoc.