I will never go broke underestimating the stupidity of your average NFL fan.

The average NFL fan understands, what, 25% of what’s happening on the field at any given time? Football is far too complicated for these people. If the Wide Receiver blows his route because of [complicated football reason] and drops a pass are fans going to notice? I doubt it. They’ll just call him a bum, or worse,…

It's a good thing people this sensitive have blanket license to harass and murder the people complaining about this very fact.

And they succeeded! They not only got me to stop watching this stupid, shitty game, but I now actively loathe the institution and its fans. And this is coming from someone who was born on a reservation but wore a Washington jacket for the entirety of grade school. They’ve helped me come a long way, baby.

Felix didn’t do it, so I’ll recommend following @cushbomb, @willmenaker, @CHAPOTRAPHOUSE, and, uh, @mattytalks

Yes, this was the greatest tweet ever. They should have just shut down the goddamn site afterwards.

I feel like this whole thing was a long sub-tweet slam of Dave Weigel.

To this day my family uses “But I shoot with this hand!” as shorthand for basically anything that takes a bad turn.

I remember being dumbfounded that he was bad. I was like 8 but he looked so cool and was related to Mark fucking McGwire, how could he be so shitty!?! My even tenuous connection to this cancerous tumor of suck ended when, at the one live game I went to, a morbidly obese man from Puyallup screamed obsceneties at Rick…

In Portland you don’t, because you’re sleeping off the hangover you earned watching the Ducks game.

The first day of football season in the Pacific Northwest is one of the truly great days of the year. It’s always nice out, it’s still kind of warm, and for one blissful day, all the fucking idiot SeaChicken fans are sequestered from the rest of society at whatever boob and beer restaurant is throwing a kickoff party.…

Hey, there are actual stakes in my Dinner with Andre.

This happened to me at a Sears. I tried really hard to not seem smug but probably failed a little.

This is good kinja.

Joey Harrington was good and the Lions just straight up broke him as a person.

I feel like we’re skipping over the obvious answer that they get punched in the head professionally. Sometimes answers are that easy.

The Rush 2 Jump Level! I wasted over a year of my life, roughly the second half of my junior year and first half of senior year of college, getting high on my friends couch and mastering the tricky jumps. There were no points or rewards or anything, it was the perfect game for hanging out. I don’t think I ever played…

It’s an embarrassment of riches.

This scenario is the plot of the most recent Neil Stephenson novel “seveneves” spoiler: the moon does not just clump back together

What that heat map had me thinking was “This is the modern/better Steve Carlton”. Almost the same exact pitcher except Carlton threw a slider and Kershaw’s got a curve. Both threw the same two pitches to the exact same spot and allowed the hitters to get themselves out however they pleased. Pitching is a slightly…