Alex Smith for five years? Oddly enough, that’s not the dumbest thing I’ve heard come out of D.C. tonight.

“It’s like I’m living a movie,” Mr. Smith said, when asked for comment.

When asked for comment the Governor of South Carolina responded “Did everyone stand for the national anthem?”

South Carolina certainly didn’t feel this interested in standing for the US flag a little over 150 years ago.

I’m shocked that all of these terrible people have actively unfulfilling love lives.

Britt McHenry made me side with a tow trucking company. I hate her for that.

Poor Tomi.

Ah yes, noted professional football league management expert Triple-H.

The subtext is obvious but it’s worth spelling out that “family-friendly” here is a dogwhistle for “you won’t have to explain to your kids that a professional athlete is upset that unarmed black people are getting murdered by police, in the very unlikely event they even noticed the brief protest to begin with”. Christ.

I briefly considered sticking up for Sosa’s induction into the HoF, but then I thought, “Fuck it...there’s already enough white guys in there.”

This is nice, especially all the signs for Williams:

I went to Journalismism school at the same time that Seth Wickersham and Wright Thompson were there. And I say “with” purely in the sense that we were all enrolled in J-school at the same time and they wouldn’t know me from Adam, given that the most important thing I learned at J-school is that I wasn’t going to make…

Bill Simmons and his stans: the kings of Not Even Mad

You know Bill’s not gonna fuck you, right?

The incredible innovation of writing two articles a week of casual prose and posting them online doesn’t get someone a lifetime pass able to handwave away all criticism of his turning into an incredibly lazy hackish writer the previous version of himself would have roasted on a regular basis.

(And there’s another…

It might be worth pointing out that the reason Drew Bledsoe got benched was because of a life-threatening injury.

Hopefully people read the entire article because there’s an all time simmons paragraph where he compares the people in the Patriots scandal to the characters in Almost Famous, which sounds like something you would make up if you were trying to parody a simmons article.

Yup, those are the voices in my head.

Nothing like getting served, pestered by Sherrifs & taken to court over a Will that myself and my sisters are not only 100% excluded from but do not even have any interest in contesting in the first place.

but I just couldn’t bring myself to outright ask a Tinder match for sex.