Oh gurl.

I guess. He looks like a young Mr. Rogers. I feel some kind of way about how I feel about that.

I want to go make, like, 500 more Kinja accounts just to star this comment that many fucking times.

Yes. This. A million times.

As a former barista, I must tell you how wrong you are: wrongwrongwrongitywrong. People like this give zero shits because if you even attempt to thwart them, they will create a scene that on Broadway would require six chorus girls and a backup choir. They know that you’re a low wage earner and don’t really get paid…

Dad never mentioned you. :(

Wait. I thought the bride and groom gave gifts to the wedding party. No, seriously. My husband and I gave ours gifts. Well now I feel cheated out of a tantrum. Is 13 years too late?

As a MO resident who oft takes tourists to Lambert’s because...HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU ~NOT~ TAKE PEOPLE TO THAT SHIT?! They throw rolls, for fuck’s sake, I concur. If homegirl got that jacked by a Lambert's roll, someone made a bread gun and used it.

As an official old (I turned 42 7/27), that’s just how we do with our reading glasses. We’re trying to find the magic spot where we can read THIS GODDAMN TINY ASS FONT WHO EVEN USES A FONT THIS GODDAMN SMALL WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE KIDS TODAY.

Just FYI. Ya whippersnapper.

You’ve never paid for braces, have you?

My bet is his defense is going to be along the lines of, “Heeyyyy, it was the ‘70s. Everyone was doing the ‘Ludes and having the sexy times! Amirite, Hef, or amirite? And you just SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTHS ABOUT HOW IT WAS ALSO THE ‘80s AND ‘90s AND PROBABLY THE 2000s. And also, did I mention how I have…

Skipped the entire article because I don’t need to read it. We all know what’s happening. Frankly, I welcome the New World Order they’re about to establish because every baby boy should be dressed in shorts and knee socks.

Gurl. No.

I want to argue about that whole statement re: losing friends because your sister is a shady and/or skanky. If these friends are all that close, they already know the Kardashians are about the Kardashians, plus Kim can control Khloé how?

And those of us who live in the middle of the country sit in the luxury of our central heat and a/c wondering why we’re the modern ones for once.

That is so fucking awful. Stupid assholes. Ugh.

Is there a playbook they hand out when a parent bails on their kids? Because my dad said this same stupid bullshit. Well except when he told me my mom used to read me “Cinderella” every night for the six weeks prior to his second wedding. Which was just...dude, I was THERE. It never happened, Crazy McDumbshit. Wtf?

I think we can all agree that those people need to be muted in some fashion until they agree to pronounce it correctly.

But then, I still have no idea how to say “sriracha,” so who am I to judge?

I think this is a Midwest thing because when I was a kid, it was reese-ies piecies, but the peanut butter cups are Reese-is. Oh wait. She said it was a Midwest thing. So yeah. It’s a Midwest thing. WE DON’T HAVE A LOT TO FUCKING DO HERE, OKAY?

Um, at least I didn’t say St. Louis?