*rim shot*

I suggest the Glitter Kitties, inspired by my favorite slot of all time (just ahead of Airplane). The mascot would be the best!

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking and
When she passes, each one she passes goes “ahhh, she probably has Zika.”

I, too, went to a high school next door to a high school that produced an NBA draftee.

Oh, come on. It’s obviously gonna be some crazy ass blood magic. OBVIOUSLY.

OMFG I said this to anybody who would or would not listen last season! He should never have been out there to bust all his L’s in the first place after so many belly flops in the NLCS. That man belongs behind the plate or at the plate. Or up on stage snapping and shooping and shimmying AND HE CAN’T EVEN DO THAT NOW.

That is a very good gif.

Maddon’s penchant for unorthodox surprise guests at Spring Training just took a dark turn, huh?

I recently posted a Toonces clip in response to some post on facebook that vaguely referenced both a cat and a car. Many people had NEVER HEARD OF TOONCES, and I realized I am old now.

Look, if it’s not the hep, typhoid, or polio, it’s gonna be the candiru, the piranhas, or the bullsharks. Or the caimans. Or the electric eels. Or the anacondas. Bodies of water in Brazil are no joke. In terms of terrifying creatures, they’re like the Australia of South America.

Oh, whoa! I wish that info had been included here. That had to be so scary for them!

I know this isn’t, like, the point of the story or whatever, but having very recently birthed a child for the first time, I can’t even comprehend this bit: “Not knowing I was in labor until I felt her head...it took two ten count pushes[...]” It’s not jealousy- I’m genuinely glad their delivery was so absurdly easy…

Right after blowing this interview, he also blew at least a .17. I feel kinda bad for the elf who was assigned DD last night and inevitably had to clean barf out of the sleigh.

+1 Took the words right out my keyboard.

Oh, jesus, muzzle myself? If you want muzzled people, stay out of the comment section and set an example.

I would bet a lot that the rest of the students in that room have PLENTY to say about that particular “peace officer,” and that none of it will improve how he looks right now.

A student in South Carolina can be officially arrested for “disturbing school”? I can say, maybe for the first time ever, that I’m really glad I went to a school in Texas where even the most marginalized students had to actually commit a crime (weapons, drugs, assault, threats of violence) to get arrested.

That statement isn’t really that straight forward. They could have said, “Don’t paint your face black. If you do, you won’t be admitted to the game.” They could have even added- because they are an inclusive and forward-thinking university- “If you don’t understand why black face paint is problematic at best and…

If she doesn’t appreciate the sentiment, you can follow up by mumbling something about how Olivia Munn would get it.

Aw, geez, that’s nice. In all sincerity, I hope you tell her that.