Yep. We are all the Professor from Gilligan’s Island.

I am the only scientist in the family, and no one understands how specialized science is, so I get all sorts of random science questions, most of which are based on weird click-bait.

Most regrettable text?

They love to complain about flat screens and cellphones. Because somehow you are supposed to function in modern America and keep and hold a job without a cellphone.

“A girl who struggles”

But if I don’t mock everyone’s typos, how will they no how superior I am?

“Red gravy”

Ha, yes.  My husband is from New Orleans, and I don’t know how he doesn’t tell people to fuck right off when they say, “if you were really from New Orleans, you would say...”

Wow.  That might be what finally gets me to watch that show.

Wow.  You watch the View a lot.  What a weird hobby.

But did they say that when he ordered the cake or after he complained?  Because if they said they could do a frog theme, that is in direct conflict with “we don’t decorate cakes”.

No one is asking him to answer for her actions. They are asking why he is friends with someone who acts like her. Since you want to make it about #metoo, here is an example. The women from Broad City found out they were working closely with a sexual harasser who had been friends with and they severed ties. They said…

He isn’t friends with the Bush twins or his elderly neighbor who has always voted Republican but has some problems with the current administration.  He is friends with a member of a fascist regime.

C’mon. Don’t be mean. Ivanka wrote a letter—by hand!—to a privileged white lady. That totally makes up for being a fascist.

Umm, bub, no one outside of Michigan cares.

I don’t like the green jello salad.  But I always had a fondness for the stawberry jello layered with pretzels and cool whip.

British companies are the best if you have big boobs and a small ribcage.  Have you found Figleaves.com?  I loved them before my reduction.  Plus, if you have questions, their customer service reps have the most charming accents.

As someone who was also a chubby teen girl, I would have been mortified at the time, but now I would tell all of my friends about it every time I had two drinks in me.

You are doing great work.  I am going to start making a list of things for you to kill off next, starting with ranch dressing.

You bring the Jello salad, and I will make the ambrosia.