Easily the best thing to come out of Michael Ian Black’s mouth since Bradley Cooper.

yeah coconut oil breaks me out, I use sweet almond oil and it’s great for me

I just started a new regimen where I’m too tired at night and I don’t wash my face. It looks better than it has in 5 years. Miracles.

Oh my goddddddd me too they would just peel away in sheets and I had completely given up on ever having the nails of a human until I bought Nail Envy on a whim a few weeks ago. AND THE DIFFERENCE IS INCREDIBLE! I seriously can not overstate how amazing it has been for my nails.

On Friday I had another stage in my post-breast cancer reconstruction done; fat grafting. Eight ounces of fat sucked from my belly, and injected in my fake breasts.

“I’m taking it one step at a time and not expecting anything,” he says. As far as going public with his long-held secret? “I’m at the age where I really don’t care. Since I hit 40, I don’t care what people think or do.”

If I ever meet the guy who thought of putting TVs in doctor waiting rooms, I’m going to punch him in the fucking neck.

Since the Pacific Ocean formed? I dunno. This is a tough question to answer.

I thought she did pretty well considering... I tried to do it yesterday and it didn’t go great. This is all I got in 1 min:

Person put on spot - does not look good.

This is an emotionally inflamed moment. It would be inappropriate to talk about doing nothing now. We’ll take this up in a few months and do nothing then.

They did nothing after one of their own was nearly killed, and when 20 babies were massacred. They will NEVER care about this issue.

Watch out for the hidden “touching Anthony Hopkins’ wrinkly old silly putty ballsack” clause.

I don’t want to interpret that as a specific slam against Jennifer Lopez, who in fact is not a talented singer or actress but is an outrageously talented performer and someone who seems to work damn hard in life to forge a career for herself. Good for her.

This gif is also appropriate for the Matt Damon story v

WHEN will Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio realize that their relationships don’t work out because they just need to get together, already

As all things are, I’m sure.

Hey! Focus! This is about Tony!

I wonder how many not-unattractive 47 year old women Tony “notices.”