*Alanis Morissette’s “Hand in My Pocket” comes on radio*

I understand why he balked at wearing Nike, he’s 17. He even said as much, “All day I dream about sex.”

Not to mention DeathBlood5, Death6lood, Dea7hBlood, Death8lood, or when they get confused with how to deal with 9 and jut skip to DeathBlood X

HEAD COACH: Alright, let’s draw up the punt return play - who do you need out there?

Where's Josh Freeman tho?

OH MY GOD THEY'RE IN THE SAME GANG???????

Deadspin is a great website. A website where I can bring my kids for some wholesome entertainment.

Women. If they ain't Fauria they're against ya.

DeAndre Hopkins just entered the same store and got 4x the toys for 1/4 the money.

Let this be a warning to all adult NFL hecklers. Stick to the ESPN.com comment section if you want to keep your caps on.

Don't fret, brokenhearted fans. Visitor hours in Montgomery County jails are very generous, so you can visit All Day.

Twenty or so odd years counts as "promptly" nowadays. Other things that are "prompt":

Oh my god, they dug him up.

Les Miles has already landed verbal commitments from #2 and #6.

So I'm just going to put you down for a shank.

Gisele's lower back is going to prison??

unfortunately, the ball landed on an Afghan wedding, killing 17.

Soldier: (to self, in preparation) "All right, just one dunk, that's all I need. One good dunk. One dunk will do it, for America. Let's do this shit!"