He’s got to be tipping pitches, right? Or is he really that unlucky?

I mean....he wasn’t really all that bad last year.

I’m not overweight :(

Sideways? You mean upside down, right?

Shouldn’t NFL refs get a break because nobody really knows the rules anymore?

#DougCar

How in the world did Doc Ellis throw a no-hitter while tripping on this shit?

It will take a lot of work, but might work (I’ve done it but the windshield I worked on wasn’t as bad as yours sounds). The steel wool suggestion might take less effort.

+168 wRC

Counter-point: You’re underpaid

It’s too big

Nerd comment below.

Can confirm that I didn’t get it and just brushed it off as some dumb lawyer joke aimed at Deadspin’s BIG LAWYER reader base.

Starred for your use of constitutional.

Reading is very hard.

I will go on a murder rampage if Subaru turns the WRX into a crossover...

Should still improve bat speed and lower strikeouts?

He is still a decent platoon hitter. Decent lefty off the bench. Probably more useful to an AL squad, though?

Your post is deliciously awful.

I can tell you that a lot of the local militias in the area definitely don’t want American boots on the ground either. They want financial support and training, but they want to fight their own battles on their own terms.