I don’t want to say she’s a hero(she’s not), but approaching gays outside of their natural habitat(places all people go) is pretty dangerous.

I heard that if they feel threatened, gays can charge and gore you with their horns.*

“the total bigot rainy day fund”

Two points to consider. One, all the money (if any, because those funding sites are getting wise to this) this bigot gets will come from other bigots, reducing the total bigot rainy day fund. Two, if they do retire in luxury that means they won’t be bothering the rest of us decent folk.

...and yet, he’s second in the polls somehow? My theory is that it can attributed to Republican voters who are so offended by Trump’s bombast that they just chose the guy with the opposite personality, and they assume that the candidates are all the same on the issues.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

“It doesn’t matter if I pulled myself out of position and gave up a 40 yard run in a game important enough to play at Cowboys stadium, I really showed that ref how tough I am.”

That’s a high school game? I’ve seen less crowded sidelines and less pristine fields in NFL games.

Is it just me, or does it seem like most talmudic scholars are interpreting the torah using a mad-lib book. “You can eat ____, but not with ____, unless you are _____. If talmudic scholars were all teenage boys, kosher laws would be mostly about boobs and farts.

HUMBLEBRAG!

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

As Hank Hill says: You’re not making Christianity better, you’re making Rock and Roll worse!

During the children’s sermon on Christmas Eve, the pastor gave the gifts these gorgeously wrapped presents. The kids opened them and the boxes were empty - he was building to something. So he asked the kids if they knew why their boxes were empty? Much much louder than he anticipated due to the fine ascoustics in the…

That reminds me of a very odd Winnebago trip I took with a few friends and one of their parental pairings. The parental pair was quite well off and very Southern-rich (when driving through Manhattan—in a Winnie, mind—the wife exclaimed, “Oh look! A homeless person!” with all the glee of a seven year old girl spotting…

I went to a Catholic school for middle school and I have two stories from my time there. During Lent, we all wrote down our sins on a piece of paper. The priest took the paper and set them on fire before he started the Eurachrist. Behind him, I could see sparks as the fire started to melt the bowl. The kindergartens…

Well this is a story of my grandfather at a moment of great family sadness and pain.

Hey, you were halfway there...

Heh. My mom was similarly fooled for a brief second when I was 6 and reported that my favorite song was something called “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

I have been to Disneyland once and it was the worst experience of my life. My kids were 3 and 5 at the time and we took a stroller. My wife’s family that we went with are Disney Nazis that had a crazy itinerary for each day and plan and other bullshit. We walked 14 miles one day. It was like Bataan. If we didn’t have…