I give you permission to buy big garish headphones, download the soundtrack of your youth, and to go lay somewhere dark just listening. Think all those old thoughts and weave them into your new self, leave no stone unturned, and do not check Twitter even once.

“I could liken you to a werewolf the way you left me for dead but I admit that I provided a full moon” is the most sadly perfect description of a break-up I have ever heard.

Fiona Apple is so underrated. Her lyrics are perfection.

From the director of The BFG, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull, 1941 and Hook and the writer of Elektra, Inspector Gadget and X-Men: The Last Stand comes an adaptation of a book written for people who clap when they see the Lucasfilm logo.

As a llama, I would like to state that we, the llama community, do not have any association with Mr. Llamas and condemn any spitting in victims’ faces. For the record, we’re also not cool with all the Nazis that have been running around lately either.

During Katrina fucking WALMART told their manager to break into the store (he had to bust in with a forklift) to give away products to people who needed them.

Yeah, please fuck off forever. I’ve lived through catastrophic natural disasters. People need to eat and drink clean water. Christ, go jerk yourself off with Atlas Shrugged again, you wretched piece of shit.

Go directly to hell, you absolute nightmare of a person.

How is babby formed?

When Golden State gets three wins in a series, it’s over. Shut it down.

current president:

“The vehicle which carries the president of the United States is a spectacular vehicle. It is designed to withstand a massive attack like a low-level rocket grenade.

I was at the garage today (and ended up having to buy a whole new set of tires- yay) and CNN was on. I seriously forgot how annoying it was to hear 45's voice. I usually just read the transcripts of whatever dumb thing he has said- but it was on the TV in the waiting room and I couldn’t avoid it. So much yelling and…

a big ol fuck up followed by some decent apologies / basic accountability feels like an honest to God palate cleanser at this point.

Weird thought I just had... won’t this actually hurt Breitbart? Who’s left for them to be angry with when this all goes to hell?

We are in a position such that when they put in Reince as Chief Of Staff, I think I actually breathed a sigh of relief as there would be a goddamn adult (albeit one I have no time for) in the room.

Breitbart are in the goddamn White House.

OOh you don’t like anyone. How edge.

Sarah Palin is a woman, and so is Hillary Clinton.

Easy. Your country is full of terrified, racist, sexist assholes.

Black president