Not a fan of bestiality myself, but if you want to fuck crickets, I don’t think* they are intelligent enough to be upset. You should be able to get them easily at your local pet store. 

Yes, but only when fucked by another sex-ghost. Humans cannot impregnate a sex-ghost because they are different species. 

Dear Myself,

Dammit, spelled “your” wrong in my inaugural post. Anyways, I’ll take the chance to ask myself the first question:

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Kinja may have decimated this once thriving comment section, but, in Kinja’s own words, “the mind is its own place, it can make a hell out of heaven or a heaven out of hell.” I am the (anti-)messiah who shall turn this fiery wasteland into a slightly less sucky fiery wasteland. In the…

It’s a Christm-er Halloween miracle!

What can you say about a man? You can say that no matter what Kafkaesque* setback he faced, he never gave up and kept trying his hardest to make the movies that he wanted to make. That alone is enough of a legacy. Although, the fact that the films are pretty great doesn’t hurt.

Wait, Andre 3000 is in a Claire Denis movie?  I’m even more excited for this movie than before.

The Damned is delightfully bonkers. I would ordinarily count someone raping their own mother as horrifying in a non “spooktacular” way, but who am I to argue with the sophisticated cinephiles who stock the Walmart Halloween display?

I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll definitely keep it in mind the next time I watch the film.

La Belle Noiseuse is definitely one of the greatest films ever made about creating art. I especially liked the ending which seemed to provide closure and be open ended at the same time. It inspired me to read the short story it’s based off of, which surprised me by having a considerably different (although still…

There’s this thing called sex that shows up pretty often in movies and TV. Sure looks like fun...

Ridiculous dramatic pauses? Looks like someone’s been hanging around Sean Penn...

Allow me to second Ignatiy’s opinion on Le Petit Soldat. It gets overlooked because it lacks the experimental qualities of Godard’s other films, but as a stylish, slyly humorous political thriller, it’s tough to beat. Not to mention its condemnation of torture is as relevant as ever.

Two For the Road, the music (by Henry Mancini who considered it his best score) and visuals perfectly encapsulate the movie’s bittersweet tone. An underrated credits sequence for an underrated movie. I can’t recommend this one enough.

Animation has lost a giant.

I haven’t. Thanks for the recommendation.

Allow me to use this opportunity to recommend Pier Paolo Pasolini’s The Gospel According to St. Matthew. Despite the fact that it’s probably the most faithful rendition of the Bible ever put to film, it was made by a gay, Marxist atheist. The whole thing is filmed like a documentary, including the miracles. In fact,…

This joke will never not be funny.

I was coming here to post this myself. Not only is this terrible, but this guy seems completely unaware that there is tons of porn featuring this exact scenario.