Please let it be Dick Vitale.........Please let it be Dick Vitale.

How is the Porsche Cayenne not on here?

Midlife crisis requirement 1: Be Porsche or Corvette - Check
Midlife crisis requirement 2: Be fun to drive and flashy - Check
Bruce Requirements: Haul and Tow?

The Cayenne can pull 7700 lbs, Is available with a stick even if he wanted it, is a blast to drive, is flashy, has plenty…

While not a wagon, and not sold on eBay, I suggest a smyth conversion. Costs $3500, and can be “put together in your driveway with some friends in a weekend.”

A proper UTE if you’re anywhere outside of Austrailia, and not for long there either.