Admittedly, he can make you feel a little stabby.

I stab people daily! And if elected President, I promise to keep stabbing!

Also, he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

The Republican party is an absolute shit show. We are watching a once-formidable political party burn to the fucking ground...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M MAKING THIS UP!? I REALLY DID STAB SOMEONE FOR CHANGING THE CHANNEL ON THE TV! NOW ELECT ME PRESIDENT DAMMIT BECAUSE I HAVE A CALM DEMEANOR THAT WILL GUIDE OUR GREAT NATION TO PROSPERITY!

Did I wake up in some alternate universe in which presidential candidates WANT people to believe they’ve stabbed someone and hit their mother with a hammer?? I’m losing my mind right?? Are we dead??