Congratulations to five-minutes-ago Nine Bill Muellers for becoming the first person in history to feel unabashedly good about actively rooting for one of the best basketball players ever to suffer a career-ending injury after scoring six points in tonight’s basketball game.

“Avoid ogling teenagers” shouldn’t be that big of an ask for anyone

Has anyone ever been simultaneously as good at, and as bad at, anything as DeMarcus Cousins is at basketball?

I like Scott Brooks.

Their biggest weakness is that they care about other humans. Republicans will always beat them at any game in which not giving a fuck what happens to actual people carries an advantage.

Correction: republicans *were* going to take the brunt. Now that Schumer is caving and the shutdown is ending, it’s all but impossible for him not to own the shutdown.

My question is this: if, like me, there have been many, many times since the summer of 2016 when, competing desires and obligations notwithstanding, you could not stop staring in horror at the phenomenon, of which Donald Trump is the central figure, that appears to be swallowing American culture in a tidal wave of…

The funny thing is, how this happened is the grand jury all left their hearing aids at home and thought the prosecutor was actually asking them to indict a ham sandwich

You’re a veritable William of Occam.

You’re overlooking a much simpler explanation for why people started hating the Clippers after they acquired Chris Paul.

You’re missing the point, which not to be funny or informed but to fucking hate Duke and the assholes who play, coach and watch basketball there.

My time reading this website has taught me that all Blake pictures look like that.

(Oh. You’re probably right. Still.)

“The kids love it,” said her friend, a person who calls Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner “the kids” as would anyone who was speaking on condition of anonymity to Page Six, a journalistic outlet that is definitely still very relevant today and receives frequent anonymous tips from many people, the best people ...

Over the 3.5 years that comprise the Steve Kerr era, Steph has been almost certainly the best offensive player in basketball, both as a matter of individual stats and in terms of making his own team’s offense better. He’s been good enough defensively for me to be comfortable saying that, over those 3.5 years, he’s…

Here’s an argument (I’ll leave it to you to determine whether it is good, either perfectly or imperfectly) to put him nowhere near that list:

Not that I ever had much doubt, but it’s nice to know for sure that out of all the insufferable assholes that made the Clippers the most hateable team in sports for years, Chris Paul was the worst.

The best Starbursts are the lime ones they eliminated sometime in the early ‘80s. Lime were also the best Skittles, and now that green Skittles are green apple they go straight into the trash.

defenders Enes Kanter and Kristaps Porzingis closed in to deny the action

Well, you’re right that there’s a lot of racism in the history of US immigration policy.