@YOTTO: You didn't really need to change the spelling:

Little Jimmy's threat turned out not to be so effective when it was revealed that neither he nor his ball would really be missed, given that the rest of the kids on the playground also brought balls, and also he's kind of a dick.

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Rosebud was his stupid childhood sled.

May I submit for your consideration Part Four:

Vlad Guerrero's white-person arm has failed to curtail his free swinging Dominican ways.

@TenCentBeer: Jon miller and Joe Morgan had a wonderful bitch-fight over the Cano HR on the radio broadcast.

All this mayhem was really disappointing in the wake of Leonard Nimoy's many campus appearances over homecoming weekend at which he implored the student body to behave logically, live long and prosper.

@AzureTexan: No word yet on whether there is any connection with the weekend shooting victim, who, like Steve, wore a plain red tunic and had never been known to speak.

This really sounds more like something a Romulan would do.

@Always Winning: Does this mean the next commenter gets a pie in the face?

@SavetoFavorites: Good work.

Way to put the team on your back, not-real Greg Jennings. If you hadn't made that amazing play on your virtually broken e-leg, you guys would have lost by -22.

Goddamnit, America

I could go on like this all day, but I'll make this one the last:

Will Ferrell's appearance at Rhode Island College was way funnier.

Courteney Cox's appearance at BYU homecoming somehow didn't seem right.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: I would have thought Syracuse might go with George Hamilton.

@shmendo: You're talking about these girls, right?

Derryl Cousins will burn in Hell for what he did last night.

@See you suckers later: Fucking fuck.