Much love to your inner little VonQueso.

Hirsch insists that Gutierrez can choose her sex partners, as well as “the type of sex you want to have and how many movies you ultimately appear in.”

Tip #1: Move to Florida

Piers Morgan is the karmic price the US had to pay for John Oliver.

I think you may be a bit harsh. Shouldn’t we just take Piers to a ‘farm’ upstate to roam free instead?

May he.

I learned the second half from Wargames.

We should also require that all jizz socks be buried as abandoned potential children and provided with at least $5.00 child support.

+1 Joshua

Or a man to be very good at understanding the female reproductive system. Amirite?

Breaking news from Ohio: A new law will require that any woman who has an abortion must hold a full age appropriate birthday party for the fetus every year until said fetus is 18 years old. Furthermore, said woman must include fetus in all holiday card photos and will take to Disney world at least twice in said…

He doesn’t even know what the question was referring to. But I’m sure he’ll get his “top men” on it right away.

SOME KIDS DONT EVEN HAVE FACES OR HANDS OR LIMBS AND CANT EVEN DO HOMEWORK EVER THINK ABOUT THAT, TEENS?!

It’s true though. When I kept my name the entire town fell into disarray. There were roaming gangs of feral children attacking seniors. The moose organized themselves and turned against us. It was pure chaos. We had to abandon the place.

Nah, they all live on the same street.

Highly accurate.

My family got our first cat this way. He was hit by a truck as a kitten. My mom saw it, rushed out, grabbed him up and ran him to the vet. Many broken bones (especially his hind-end), but he lived through it without even losing any limbs. We adopted our little Faux Paw and he lived to the ripe old age of, like, 3 or…

So the people who complained about women not being mentally strong enough to be a commando are not even mentally strong enough to be around a woman in close quarters.

For the record, that's my own cat in the photo. I had to place my cat up on top of the counter for the photo and she immediately would try to jump off because she knows that she's not supposed to be up there.