I was always partial to Mr. Body Massage.

Pork chop sandwiches!

Nice catch, blanco niño

I’m a software developer today, because my parents didn’t set dumb limits on how I spent my time as a kid.

I’m a software developer today, because my parents didn’t set dumb limits on how I spent my time as a kid.

You mean everyone doesn’t just eat pumpkin pie for breakfast the day after thanksgiving?

That was Woody Harrelson. It would have been a very different movie with Woody Allen in that part!

D’oh, Woody Harrelson, not Allen

I’m pretty damn sure Uwe Boll had nothing to do with Fitzcarraldo, as he was 14 when it was filmed by Werner Herzog

Kate’s improper use of “your” has forever killed my boner for her.

Yeah, no change.

This is essentially like pulling out when she is 37 weeks pregnant. It’s a tad too late.

*phht!* I still got that song on regular rotation.

A burrito is just a sandwich that someone built a delicious wall around.

Uh, depending on the Sodastream that you have, you don’t need the hose since the bottle fits perfectly into the machine (with the adapter).

Did you just all lives matter me

All that matters is that it has electrolytes.

“Sweeeetch.”

To me, a suit represents a clear signal that you’re being paid not to be yourself. I never met a man in a tie who wasn’t lying to me for money.