I love your writing, Dave, but I definitely skipped straight to Zodiac Motherfucker today. Needed the pure shit.

I’d like to add that he was also an organ donor, for which at least six people will be forever thankful. A good and generous man, even in death.

As a Lions fan it’s our biggest win of the year!

Next up: the Detroit Lions.

I keep hearing from people who say “we’ve got to get out of the 2 year cycle mentality. People should spend the $600-$800 on a new phone and plan to keep it for four or five years. Phone technology has plateaued sufficiently to make that a good option.”

I hate all of these

I haven’t watched professional wrestling in probably 15 years and this hit me in every single one of the right places.

The Rock’s butt receives 10 out of 10 balls. One bonus ball is awarded to the viewers of the television ding-dong Ballers for successfully surviving season one. Samer Kalaf is given 0 out of 10 balls. He would not thrive in a baller economy. Thank you.

“Neither can I.”

Warren Sapp clearly was not listening closely.

I think Lee Majors is a bit old to be taking the heat for these guys.

Also, additional evidence towards the postulate “Nothing is sexy when it’s written in German.”

NO ONE will ever reach the heights of Kyle Orton

Dee Ford runs away from the ball carrier.

I heard he took out a loan on a bunch of cars that don’t exist.

Knowing Winona as I do, it’s gotta be shoplifting.

NASCAR season! Rabbit Season! NASCAR season! Rabbit season! Rabbit Season! NASCAR season! FIRE!

“Have you ever cheered for a team whose most exciting phase of the game is defense? It’s fucking terrible.”

I was hoping for oil or grease. Many of my clothes are permanently ruined from working on cars, I also have a few shirts that are permanently stained from cooking oil.