There goes getting any sponsorship for your cornhole tournaments, Carson.

The budget for the new TV show Santa Monica Vice has been greatly compromised.

Sometimes I want to be a baseball fan while also showing off my nice, perky, 23-year-old tits in some kind of Alyssa Milano-inspired sports garb, or while showing off my ability to accessorize glitter effectively."

@FEAST: I guess being homeless for a week wasn't an option.

That is quite the lopsided bet.

Alien crop circles > Brett Farve corn maze

You guys are a bunch of Longfellows.

Hey guys, don't forget to tell her you drink like a champion, too.

The President probably asked that little girl if she knew where Osama was.

@ghostsoftheSCupcountry: That wedding reception picture is a great example.

@sarah: +1

You have never watched football with me. I invite you to my house to do so, and please bring the Garden Salsa Sun Chips with you. I will provide you the Yuengling, or whatever you want.

@CIALIS COOPER: I heard he was drinking a Cosmo with Sarah Jessica Parker while Broderick played with his glove.

That puts Kyle Orton to shame right there.

Got the pinky extended, classy!

That bat was provoked!!!

@Doyle McPoyle: Cosmo has been around for forty years; if they haven't realized it is sex, sports, and silence by now, I feel sorry for them.

Wonder if that is what John looked like while singing on Kid Rock's record.

Which is better to put on your coaching resume: judging a pole dance competition or a wet t-shirt contest?

Okay boys, whoever takes the most Tylenol PMs, wins!