ooh I really like this one

hahaha my friend yelled at me the other day for dissing the harpsichord, it’s clearly got true fans :)

this makes even less sense bc it implies that “they” left his assassination to the last possible moment...
like, “they” let him keep deciding the vote on rulings, waited years until right at the end of Obama’s term, and then assassinated him??? so Congress could stall the new appointment all the way through the…

She or he probably already knows that you’re a hypochondriac because she or he sees you, like, eight times a year.

YES they totally love bouncy balls haha, my mom is constantly buying more.

Unfortunately this time we needed BIG exciting prizes for a school-wide contest, but didn’t have a BIG exciting budget, heh. :)

Kids are so good at spotting knock-offs that we should let them help identify counterfeit goods, lmao. I had to shop for discount kids’ prizes with my mom, and it was the most tense shopping spree ever — will kids think this is dumb? will kids notice that this is cheap? YIKES.

University “law” is ridiculous — many of them are private, well-funded institutions and they literally make up their own rules.

You can speak out against them or break their arbitrary rules, but you have to be prepared to get blacklisted in academia. Which, you know, if you’re trying to make a career in academia, is…

A girl in my class asked a totally legitimate question today, and a dude wearing a tech tshirt literally laughed out loud at her, and I almost lost my cool.

Nothing taught me how to be assertive better than handling my own healthcare. But it would be great if, you know, we had a better system instead of having to learn to argue law...

Apparently this is Not Done, but I’ve just started watching everything with the subtitles / captions on. Doesn’t bother me, haha!

Thankfully, I’m allergic to 99% of scented candles, so I gladly enjoy the flickering light of rechargeable LED ones. :P

hahaha, when my fam says we’re going out to eat this is exactly the kind of info I need

Ok, so I may or may not have acquired my ugly Christmas sweater at the local Goodwill in July... #beprepared #noregrets

IMO, it’s ten times better if you can find an ugly sweater that wasn’t intended to be ridiculous. My mom has some great ones from college that were very fashionable at the time, and are now even…

“the madness has to stop”

It does indeed, Alan. You first <3

Apparently, the first time my sister or I bit Dad, he screamed bloody murder. We only ever bit Dad once. xD

that toaster looks like it was designed in 1985.

that toaster looks like it was designed in 1985.

Why is it so hard for these people to understand that your rights end where other people’s rights begin?

The school offered them the ability to exempt their children. This isn’t about protecting their rights — it’s about bullying others into giving up theirs.

Yeah, in sixth grade I was accused of plagiarism for using the phrase “weathered brow” in my vocab sentences.

It’s been a decade since then but I still remember that...

heyyy I could get behind this “less allergic” idea

I’m glad you’re okay now!!!

I’m 5’7” too, and people would never stop giving me shit about being “too thin” growing up. Turns out you can’t win at this game.

If you want help coming up with snappy comebacks, let me know. xD My dorm-mates in college gave me a hard time about it and I finally snapped and told them off.

I…