Warlock? Nah...

After the Garnett trade, this is when the tank was supposed to START. The fact that they’ve managed to rebuild is magical. To make the playoffs this year is sorcery, like they’re a bunch of mages, or like, what’s the word I’m looking for...

It’s good that one of Deadspin’s soccer writers caught this. I have a feeling the other one missed it because he’s midway through a 5,000-word paean to Gerard Deulofeu after he did something good today.

I am looking forward to Rian having his own story arc in 3 movies. Part of my big problem with TLJ has been the shift in narrative and character actions between TFA and TLJ and I think that’s just because you didn’t have the same people writing both movies. I think giving Rian 3 movies he writes and directs they’ll be…

Bledsoe caught the ball, he should not have been removed from the game.

Listen, I was 9 when the Tim Burton Batman came out too, but I try not to let it back me into bonkers takes like “Jack Nicolson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger.”

In the AAF, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups. The players who were suckered into wasting months of their life, and the owners who will somehow cash out and profit on an obvious disaster. These are their stories.

Placed on the DL for not even being mad, actually laughing too hard.

I'm here for any and all opportunities to shit on Midwestern cuisine (Quad Cities pizza needs to be brought before an international tribunal) but cheese curds are an actual treasure. You take that back.

You’re right, coach. When I think “accountability,” I think Michigan State.

I have faith in a Mormon’s ability to be bored *anywhere*.

don’t you ascribe this evil to the poor, innocent 911

Ah, the old “but what if we made this worse” vehicle!

It is extremely funny for Bill Simmons, who almost literally burned Grantland down on his way out the door while throwing a public tantrum & leaving unemployed journalists in his wake, to criticize Anthony Davis for making a simple trade request in private.

That should count for two. He was clearly inside the three point line.

Eh, the tip-slam was a fine and important play, but playing along with the idea that this goes any distance toward balancing out the earlier humiliation is Extreme Cornball Homer Shit. For one thing, Giannis was already beneath the hoop when that ball came off it and all Simmons did was jump up behind him, rather than…

Goddamn, man. This being Deadspin, I want to make a joke...but I just can’t; nothing about child abuse is humerus.

So, you’re saying his room was Farmers Only?

So, since Lori Loughlin is involved, is it fair to say that this scandal is everywhere you look?

Petit wasn’t undone by a navigational mishap [BAD INJURY LUCK] this year; instead, his dogs [THE PLAYERS] got too pissed off at each other to run [WIN GAMES]. He told Iditarod Insider [The Athletic] in an interview that things started to break down when one of his dogs [PLAYERS], Joey, took a bathroom break [DURING A…