I won’t say all is forgiven but goddammit this was precious. Look at old fuckface McConnell’s reaction.

The kicker is that if Zinke holds forth on his threat to Murkowski — and withdraws federal support for building roads to support the expansion of mining and drilling in Alaska —, her vote may have saved both the ACA and the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (for now).

the look on mitch “myrtle the turtle” mcconell’s face is too fucking good.

McCain is still an opportunist; he jumps in at the last minute and gets all the praise.

Needs more stars...outta nowhere.

McCain 3:16 says you can’t whip enough votes!

My favorite part is how Marco Rubio starts off menacingly chewing gum and by the end has to reach out to lean on a desk for support.

Well, since he did something useful...there is only one thing to say then:

Next McCain will tell Trump that the Hanoi Hilton was nicer than his gold plated resorts

No one ever expects the Heel-Face Turn.

McCain dashing their hopes just like my namesake

Has anyone ever wondered how Mitch McConnell’s chin got to be that way? How does the guy even eat

Not a masturbation story, admittedly (but a college one!) my freshman girlfriend was a mormon who I guess was having some sort of nasty streak. One day, she basically had a massive surge of guilt and began hysterically weeping and eventually yelling about how she had betrayed God. In my dorm room.

My (now rapidly…

Can someone give me an MS Paint drawing of the t-rex thing? I'm so confused.

a buddy of mine was taking care of himself while alone in an armored vehicle in Baghdad late one night in 2003 and was caught/interrupted by AK-47 fire raking across the vehicle. As the story goes, he was in the driver compartment of the vehicle by himself reading a Hustler magazine with Jasmine St. Claire in it and…

I got caught NOT masturbating, but got blamed for it anyway.

I hate to burst your bubble, but most of them were probably just fidgeting while actually focusing on schoolwork, or trying to. It isn't every girl who can get there that way - most of us can't. You have to be built a certain way.

Well. I'm an Epileptic, let's start it off with that.

Word of caution to all of you new parents out there: it's exhausting having a newborn in the house, and you have zero privacy piled onto your sleep deprivation.