Well, not me. My skills include eating and napping.

I can't get too excited about Dog the Bounty Hunter. Now, a crack team of Jezebel editors? They'd bring this tool to justice in no time. And post it.

That's his legal name.

Why are we still calling this guy "War Machine?" Let's stop letting him live in a self-created, I'm-a-badass-fighter world and call him by his real name, no?

I...don't think they will.

Drew, I'm saddened that there weren't about 40,000 words on Belgium here. Belgium is the country that the rest of Europe can point at and say "well, at least we're not Belgium!" Belgium was formed from the leftovers that France and the Netherlands didn't want. Its primary export is ignored laws. If Belgium could…

I beg to differ: you absolutely do need a 50-pound waffle.

What if you're not an athlete? What if you're just a thirsty dude. Can you still have some Gatorade, or does that lightning bolt mean no?

But, but all this science and research is not as much fun as me sitting on my sofa calling Lebron soft.

anyone who's masturbated after doing too much cocaine knows extended contraction of muscles + dehydration is a sure shot to muscle cramps

It'd be kind of like this ad campaign for the Toyota Yaris.

Gay, straight and bi. I don't discriminate when it comes to cash.

THAT'S A JOB?

My mom got me that Steve Harvey book in a misguided and unprovoked attempt to help me find love and every so his giant leering face would leap out at me from the bookshelf, self-satisfied smug plastered across the cover, until I threw it in the garbage.

Dear dudes who would consider using this service: The reason you can't get a date is that you are the type of dude who would consider using this service.

PURE ALPHA MAIL*

*the sort of mail you take one look at, laugh at, and throw in the bin

This remains the best message I have ever received, ever. Yes, it got the guy blocked, but it has provided years of entertainment watching people read it and their reactions.

I'm very sorry that you and the others who've posted have had negative experiences with Indian men in the past. On the other hand, as an Indian man, a feminist, and a regular reader of this site, this discussion makes me wince. Fact: there are shitty and not-so-shitty people out there from every culture and creed.…

I loved those! "Hi. I'm 33 and live in my grandma's attic and don't work. I have a kid I don't support because his mom's a slut. Wanna go out?"

Yeah. I came away from a lot of my online dating experiences with a bad taste in my mouth, too. Also, a horrible feeling that there are some terrifying, awful men in the world that will in one breathe call you the most beautiful creature in the world, and then—when you fail to meet whatever demand/expectation they've…