They couldn't fit $15,042,288,403,018.43, so may as well go with "44".

"I thought you get six timeouts in OT."

Gays to David Gest: We get it dude, you love beards.

He should get into pro surfing.

It was voted best place to get laid in Pederast Monthly to boot!

Lately, he's been having trouble following "Headlines."

R. Kelly opened, right?

What if Shawn Bradley's bike thief were black?

the nature of Paterno's dismissal over cries of disgust from the gathered "journalists"

"We will also continue his ongoing education on how to use a phone."

On multiple occasions, the wife has taken away the Metamucil canister and hidden it

Child rape tends to outrage people, yes.

I tend to think of the children that were raped instead of JoePa's legacy. That's just me though.

He looks nothing like Will Smith.

Bea Aurthur found little use for her menopause manager after Maude.

"If he likes fried chicken, then the job is his!"

Occupy Luongo are outraged he is still in there being allowed to throw interceptions and constantly walk batters.

That cabby must be marching in an "occupy" rally.

Fireman Ed in the opening segment? Well, I just died inside....

Eric Holder has no idea how he obtained that fake pistol.