Name anyone that sells fries that taste exactly like McDonald’s.  They control every ingredient in their delicious, delicious fries. 

Yeah, I became suspicios of Sprint when I saw that their Premium Visual Voicemail required Location Permissions. Da fuq do you need to know where I’m at to serve me my fucking voicemail. They also, apparently, monitor all your purchases completed on your mobile device to sell/serve targeted ads. Unless you’re running…

Ok. The amount of discipline it takes to craft a physique to that degree is impressive. The amount of time it takes is equally impressive. How that woman has time for a job and then hobbies is astounding.

I peed on my laptop once. In my defense I was drunkenly peeing on the floor and the laptop was stupidly sitting on the floor. Let that sucker dry off and then cleaned it. Worked just fine later. Well enough to pass it down to an unsuspecting recipient. Who was the one to actually break it.

Or my state could simply legalize marijuana.  

I haven’t read your piece yet — I just wanted to comment on that picture. I see it used frequently and have for a while now. At this point it inspires a “where are they now” thought. Which in the context of the picture seems fitting.

Heck, some of us can’t unplug when we get home.  

The only one?  People do it all the time.  I’d even wager that people are more eager to complain than express their satisfaction.  

The reference itself has aged well even if folks don’t know from where it stems. So while it used to be a pop culture reference it’s since become part of the lexicon.

How awesome would it be that if when in it’s in its half folded position the selfie camera turned on so you could see yourself on the top half of the screen. Like a compact.

See I was thinking it’s kinda like ancient weapons.  They’re worth more if they’ve killed somebody.  

I hope you don’t mean lost profits because that sweet sweet insurance money is gonna net some executive a nice quarterly performance bonus.

And did you see what he was wearing?  Definitely asking for it.  I bet he even had the Uber app on his phone.  

I believe the fear is that we are headed for a whole lot of desert wines.  

My favorite M.A.S.H. gin comes from the 4077th.  

It’s kinda funny that the solution they tried in Austria was to add anti-freeze to their wines that came from grape harvests during warmer periods.  And on a brighter note (with a hint of earth) -- no reported deaths came out of it.  

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

I’m hoping these life alert buttons I ordered for my elderly family are going to be worth something someday.  And as such I haven’t let anyone of them wear them.  

Obviously that door needed more signs.  

I have a thick one and I have a big one.  They really are great.  

I have a thick one and I have a big one.  They really are great.