4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

I’ve gotten so confused about where it’s permissible to pee. I keep urinating on Greg Abbott’s lawn, but judging by his reaction that’s not what he wanted. I only hope he’s not upset when he finds out where I’ve taken a shit.

Unfortunately, also:

Trump is reported to care excessively about the appearance of his staffers.

DENMAKR is a dating app that describes itself as being “for Bob Villa types.”

So, does Pop have any plans for, say, 2020? Asking for a country.

I think where white people get mixed up is what they’re supposed to FEEL about their privilege. They (we) too often assume it’s guilt or remorse that’s required. When, in reality, it’s kindness and civility and fairness. And most importantly sometimes, it requires outrage for a plight that’s not your own.

Jolie, I spilled sprite on my couch, but you weren’t here to help me so I had to throw it out. :/

I had a cabbie once that had a ferret on his passenger seat. He was feeding it pieces of a rotisserie chicken. You don’t get that with Uber. Fuck Uber 

Ok but back to the important part - how many abortions did you sell her?

no one in their right mind would ever fuck them?

It seems hypocritical to keep referring to it as an egg and not a chicken.

What I like about this post is that you’re successfully re-establishing your brand as one of the best Deadspin commenters to a whole new demographic of workshy masturbators.

“to help launch our brand into the market...”

If Kelce was so concerned about holding, then he should have tried holding onto the ball on that long throw down the middle that he dropped.

But oddly enough in the 10th division Everpound lost to Manchester Hamlet by the same 4-0 score.

used to be you’d go to the dang game as scheduled and die there from exposure and become an ice ghost and get into all sorts of cool adventures where you’d have to fight the Winter Wizard and get the Orb of Haarj to thaw the last thunderbird and ride it back to the waking world but i guess that time is over

Or you’re at Arby’s

Always highlight truthers.

I eat peanut shells, sunflower seed husks, AND kiwi skins and I vote.