That’s why it’s not called the teethbrush.

Also:

Lance’s late lackluster lay-up leaves losers languishing, lacking LeBron’s look, laugh

“I thought heptathletes couldn’t have babies because they were born with both parts?” - Emmitt Smith

If there was one guy who could recognize a scam via fundamentally flawed statements...

He is on pace to hit 324!

Yes, clearly a superior focus on fundamentals by the team that missed four straight free throws.

Hating seagulls is perfectly normal behavior for all animals.

Maybe the cheerleaders did something completely disgusting and amoral, like going to a restaurant with a married man.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Look, the conservative viewpoint on this is very simple. Immigrants should be allowed to pick fruit, look after our kids and play the wing. Just no going to school or hospitals.

Premier League owners beg government to save them from having to select English players.

Either you’re a university administrator here to troll, or you missed the shit out of your calling in life.

I love how “working-class” is a term to mean white and employed in manufacturing, repair services, energy production, agricultural production, or police and emergency services. God bless those people. They’re the salt of the earth.

Total wangs

As a law professor, supporter of publicly-funded legal aid, and long-time ill-fitting khakis advocate, I assure you that in our cabal, public legal aid and khakis go together like... well, like khakis and absolutely any top you could imagine. Blazer, dress shirt, polo shirt, t-shirt...

STICK TO SLACKS

I’ve never been a UM fan, but now I kind of want them to win the national title in the hope that Harbaugh would get invited to the White House and tear Trump a new asshole as the cameras are filming the ceremony.

I like to give a still wet from washing my hands high five and wish them many happy flushes as I walk past. Comradery is important when we’re stuck in a plane together.

“You have attracted people who are determined that ideology is more important than facts.”