I’ve mentioned my ex-boyfriend’s terrible food pickiness before (leaned heavily towards hamburgers, pizza, and foods made from the same ingredients as these). All entirely the fault of his idiot parents whose only real option for home-cooked food was spaghetti and meat sauce. Everything else they ate was garbage.

Hey asshole, it’s Timmies, if you don’t know what you want by the time you get to the cash you’re life-ing wrong.

Lobster Lady clearly has magic powers.

As a cat owner, the answers are also apparently “Kill” “Fuck you, human” and “I own everything.”

True story: I was watching an awards show with my grandma and my aunt, and J Lo was on looking unbelievably gorgeous as always. My grandmother said something about why does she have to go around with her big butt sticking out. I told her that was racist. It’s the classic double standard: women of color do something…

Sour cream with brown sugar is good on a lot of things.

I’m going to follow you around and yell “CHEESE! SEVEN CHEESES!” at you. It’s your fault for not having a garbage can.

Okay, so I’m not defending the salad lady in the story, because she didn’t say she wanted no lettuce and was an idiot about it. But I do know why some people order this. I had bariatric surgery, and one of the foods my stomach does not tolerate well is lettuce. It has a tendency to get wadded up and stuck in the small…

My grandmother told me that the pure cola syrup was often used as a home remedy for kids sick with colds, flu, bronchitis, or what have you back in the day.

Throw some ground beef in a pan with onion and tomatoes. Add olives, artichokes, garlic, etc. if you want. Then add some pasta and some parmesan. It’s not gourmet, but it’s hearty and filling. My grandmother called it glop.

The Winchester Mystery House is another excellent location. Mrs. Winchester was an avid spiritualist, which probably informed her interesting approach to architecture. There were certainly a number of features built into the house specifically for that purpose. Outside of that, it’s an amazing piece of history.

There’s also men who have legit terrible mothers, who rightfully hate/ignore them. If she’s terrible and he hasn’t come to terms with it and severed ties yet, walk away immediately. My ex was born of a horribly dysfunctional family who continued to make him miserable, but he did not know how to extricate himself. The…

As someone who enjoys consenting sex dungeon activities, this upsets me on so many levels. I’m glad they caught these guys. This sums up a lot of what pisses us off about 50 Shades - it sells a fantasy scenario where genuine informed consent is not practiced, and the mystique of the man with real-world power is…

Touche. And yet they got bit in the ass in the end, because they sat on that incriminating data and did nothing for years. Selling literal poison is fine as long as you tell people it’s poison, but if you KNOW it’s poison and don’t tell them, THEN it’s bad. Duh!

It’s healthy to have the flu! It’s what G*d intended! *dies*

OMG if I met Reggie Watts I would be nothing but a steaming puddle on the floor. I would probably manage to say something nice about his work but if I could do so without being annoying I would totally make it clear that I was DTF. I would not touch his hair, though, that’s just rude.

Which church is that exactly? The Catholic church? There are many, and they have widely differing views on Halloween. Fortunately, I was raised secular and so I celebrate Halloween according to the prophet Dan Savage, who has decreed it to be one of several designated “straight pride” days, alongside Mardi…

We stopped at a bar between the ceremony and reception of our super religious friends’ wedding. We had no idea what might or might not be available at the reception. As it turned out, the VFW had plenty of ridiculously cheap beer for sale, a few mixed drinks, and several bottles of cheap wine. They seated our crew…

I very much enjoyed going to the Brew n View at the Vic theater in Chicago. Even though I’m not a beer drinker, to 20-year-old me, watching a movie while sitting at a bar table and eating pizza was the height of coolness.

They’re also not handing out razor blades or poison, as per Snopes’ excellent research on the subject. People who do that are pretty much always trying to poison their OWN children and make it look like a random act of violence. And because everyone got so worked up over it, we had people offering to do FREE CANDY…