Hear, hear. I always go to work and my relationships are fine. But as an introvert, I find it very helpful to retire with multiple episodes of cheesy true crime shows and documentaries on things like rare diseases, religious extremism, and unsolved mysteries.

As Patton Oswalt said of his gf's tv habits: "The necklace was made entirely out of vaginas."

I love this story because when I was really little I had a habit of tossing travel-sized items in the cart and telling my grandmother that they were "free samples."

I was an awkward, chubby teenage girl (though, looking at pictures definitely not as fat as I thought I was at the time!), and so I was probably the one sitting in the back of the pottery class wishing the dork in the glasses had made the tie-dye mug for me. I did more than my fair share of hitting on guys who turned…

I never said he wasn't. But he's MY douchebag, dangit!

One chubby clarinet-playing kid grew up to be a lawyer, and he lives with me :)

I understand the desire to stay close to a friend in that situation to support them, but I feel deeply that it is a bad idea to stand up at a wedding one does not approve of. Take, for instance, the story of my Dear Boyfriend and his Best Friend.

I pity any woman who shares a bed with a man who is only satisfied with daily blowjobs, and not any sex acts that might actually give her pleasure.

I'm thinking the story is BS, not only because of the medical inaccuracy, but because it was almost exactly the plot of a CSI ep.

I used to work with a guy who was trying to sing the Filet O Fish song but instead sang "Give me back my tuna fish... Give me my fish!"

My problem is that when I order over hard, they give me a scorched mess, and over medium is runny yolks. Sigh. I've learned to appreciate runny yolks a bit more.

I totally ate the bacon-grease bread out of a buffet when I was on a school trip to Washington D.C. The bacon had all been eaten at that point and I had never heard of the bread thing before, so I thought it was just toast. It had a weird texture and I didn't finish it. When I got home my mother explained to me…

I didn't want to put down Ralphie, my orange tabby, when he was diagnosed with kidney failure. I wanted to get him treated so he could live a little while longer. My partner talked me out of it by telling me about his family's ordeal with Skunk, a black and white cat. Skunk was covered in tumors and unable to climb…

My grandmother always served Waldorf salad in the center of her lazy-susan garnish tray for Thanksgiving. One year my cousin insisted that she was looking forward to the potato salad. "What potato salad?" Grandma asked. "You know, the one in the green bowl!" Grandma explained that it was made from apples, not…

I have successfully persuaded Mr. Willow to try his steaks and burgers not destroyed. He will now happily order them medium. When we first got together he wouldn't touch it if there was a hint of pink anywhere.

THIS IS A LATE LOAF OF BREAD. IT HAS CEASED TO BE AND GONE TO MEET ITS BAKER.