"We sincerely apologize on behalf of McKenna Peterson's feminism. Please accept these complementary pom pom's as our way of saying we look forward to seeing you on the field. They're pink!"

Only a couple times in my life have I asked a woman who was otherwise a stranger for her number. My romantic/sexual encounters have exclusively come through meeting a friend of a friend, and something developing from there.

I am disappointed they do not give a measurement of how many mushrooms are included, and that I don't see any on the plate (perhaps not looking hard enough?). However, this has given me a hankering for a full English breakfast with tons of mushrooms, and I might even include the blood pudding, since I have a recipe on…

I kinda feel like...that's only 8000 calories?

I heart full English breakfasts. Add some fried chicken and a cheesecake, and this would be a great death row last meal for me. Twofer: It might even do the job of the executioner and save everyone some time.

I'm calling this concept the "Winner, winner, chicken dinner."

I refuse to believe it's possible for people to avoid mass media images of eggs in both scrambled and sunny-side up form, at the very least. There's no way not to see that in 25 years unless you are willfully stupid.

I think me and 4 of my friends could totally take it. And a dog. The dog gets the blood sausage. Beans and tomatoes with eggs mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

That's hairsplitting.

Here's the thing: not everyone grows up in an environment where food knowledge is even a thing. Many people are just happy to get whatever their next meal is and to call them stupid when they don't know how to function as expected when exposed to your more privileged food culture is not cool.

It's still stupid if his reaction to a waitress patiently explaining new information is to shout at her to "just cook 'em up." I'm sorry, he's fucking dumb, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I explained to him that filet mignon is a steak, a very nice cut of beef.

"these are not the size I am used to! What kind of buffalo did we get them from?"

Couldn't remember if I already told this story. Working on the boats, we serve two meals, one a chicken dish with alfredo sauce, and later in the day, a bowl of chowder or minestrone.

I can name three members of One Direction: Niall Horan, Zayne — the one with the great eyebrows — and Harry... Styles... I think is his last name? (I dunno, the guy who dated Taylor Swift, another musician I don't follow but am fully aware exists.) And I have no idea why. I mean, yes, Dirt Bag and E! Online but…

"A 25-year-old man who had managed to secure himself a girlfriend and possessed the means to travel to a gambling mecca for the weekend not only didn't have a preference as to how his eggs were cooked, but was somehow entirely ignorant of the fact that there's more than one way to cook them."

I love you both for knowing that this is a sentence.

Did the "Fish Fry" lady look like this:

How is knowing different ways to cook eggs the same thing as a value or interest? Knowing that there are different ways to cook eggs is knowing common sense facts as well as having some kind of marginal observational skills, both of which are elements of intelligence. If you've ever seen (not even eaten...just seen)…

After a few minutes, I returned to the table. The man ordered a hamburger.

I explained to him that filet mignon is a steak, a very nice cut of beef. This guy actually argued with me, causing a big scene.