Well, the Catholic Church’s stance is that consecrated hosts literally become the Body of Christ, and human flesh, like all meat, is naturally gluten free, so... there you go?

Show us on the doll where that creepy bastard touched you.

There is literally nothing worth fighting/getting arrested over at Burger King.

From a former African American studies professor

Plus, if it’s a blind date, you can recognize your date because they’re the only person in the place under 60.

“several cops showed up, became confrontational when they refused to serve them, took pictures, and posted it to Facebook on a dummy account.”

“Listen we’re disrupting fucking flight. I’m like ... since the black box always survives, let’s make the whole plane out of it.”

My favorite pig joke:

You know there were people on the other side of the door giggling.

We’ve had a lot of arguments over this chart:

I’ve tried saying the same thing about my penis, with mixed results.

“I was wrongly accused at my town’s best pizzeria.”

Stating the obvious: where’s the movie about this guy’s life?

you out here asking answers, man

Yay, I found a sane person!

I’m honestly as tired as the “John McCain was a terrible terrible person who no one should say nice things about” pieces as the “John McCain was last of a rare and noble breed of American statesmen” pieces. Dude died just yesterday, and in my universe, it’s still poor manners to interrupt other people’s mourning with…

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Clearly these are all fake, because none of them claim to tip a minimum of 25%+ every time, no matter what.

Is it even legal to refuse to seat us?

She’s the dog’s mom. To be a dog’s mom, you must be a dog. The restaurant doesn’t allow dogs. She should be banned.