How is it possible that a lifelong grifter with zero qualifications, an indefensible platform, and multiple on-the-campaign-trail gaffes can be elected president? Somehow that lying piece of shit convinced millions that he was the better choice. $1 million a week is nothing compared to the shit heap he’s trying to…

But please remember that abortion is the true sin.

That’s why you grab the shoulder. Reduces leverage.

So, let’s be clear, Trump tried to pull a physical domination move on this man:

Damn Canada, you put South of the Border to shame. Good for Canada.

This was me. Except I used headphones, and on occasion, threw some other ‘90s alt like Sponge, Better Than Ezra and Cornershop into the mix.

Maybe the mannequins haven’t been stolen at all. Maybe they’ve just fallen in love with Andrew McCarthy and just danced out of the stores during a rom-com montage set to “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.”

My guess is Bieber.

If it’s sexist to vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, is it also demonist to vote for Trump because he’s literally Satan’s bunghole?

Yeah, it’s totally “corporate whoredom” to expect to be fairly compensated for your work.

I mean, Sandy Hook didn’t get the NRA to change its tune, and its membership likes kindergarteners way more than gay club-goers at Latin Night.

I want to know what any one of these fucking lunatics would have done if it was their child in the gorilla enclosure. I truly am devastated that the he had to be killed. It’s awful. But between that and a child being ripped to shreds while dozens of people looked on, I’m going with shoot the gorilla.

Well, it means they’re smart enough to have smart lawyers and to ensure that said smart lawyers know their smart priorities, no?

If it makes you feel any better, it isn’t that they are smart, just that their lawyers are.