I cannot travel to DC at that time, but I can sew. I would like to make suffragette-type sashes for Jezebellians who are going. Please count me in!

She is The Boss.

Mrs. Clinton quoted Jay Z. “Jay memorably said something we should all recall: Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther could walk and Martin Luther walked so Barack Obama could run and Barack Obama ran so all the children could fly,” she said.

Well, in his defense, tortoises have a lifespan of 150 years, so he is relatively younger.

Legally Bland

♫ Synonym’s just another word for the word you wanna use ♫

I’m really proud of this stunt I pulled on my neighbor:

a metaphor for an abusive kidnapper

By the Sea was their Gigli.

She had a great followup to one of the mouthbreathers:

Ok, I am admittedly really really really bad at this, but I need a ruling. Her follow-up (the full one, not what’s written above) is shade, no?

Sorry designers. The best Hillary supporter T Shirt has already been made and I own it.

True story: One year, a friend picked up a pumpkin for me, and put it on her balcony. That night it snowed. When I came over to pick it the next day, we couldn’t find it. In the spring when all the snow melted, she found a puddle of orange mush.

My favourite thing anyone’s every said about Drake:

Congratulations, sounds like you have a penis.

This is in fact one of many reasons why the pay gap exists, because women are much more likely than men to low-ball their worth when negotiating salaries. So yes, it’s a fucking problem. Why do they make us guess some imaginary number that is slightly above another number? Why not just be transparent about what the…

“What a loser. Half his state is underwater! Sad!”

it’s a small thing, but i’m sure he’s going there to lend a hand.

I’ve always known Ryan was dumb. Like, properly stupid. But not even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that he could bring about a full-blown international incident based solely on the sheer intergalactic power of his stupidity.

I’m 31 now, and I remember having a conversation with a college friend when we were both 25. She was like, “do you remember being a kid and thinking that 25 was SO OLD, and that you would DEFINITELY have all your shit together by then? Like, 100% solid career track, white picket fence house, dog, husband, etc.”