An excellent first bike, then.

My dad was in the original movie. One of the opening scenes, the helicopter shot of the thousand or so bikes making a scramble start. (He's the one on the Ducati 250, hidden in all the dust, still trying to kick start his bike...)

emotionless looking robot for life.

Ford! Ranger! Here! Now!

He's a noob. You do that on the INSIDE and use the competitor's cars to absorb your speed and direct you around the corner.

Close enough.

Somewhere out there a StanceBro is weeping. 'Dat glorious suspension travel!

What more can you ask for?

I believe you are forgetting something...

The entire Audi A4 range looks better as a sedan than a hatch/wagon.

Have the timing belts been replaced yet?

Yep, gonna go buy an old Audi today. Doesn't matter if I'm in Denver, I wanna take this car to it's forever home.

and Ted mumbles something about "another one of them damn Jalopnik folks..."

why do i feel like this is headed to "old yeller" territory...

I started around 7 or 8 on a Honda 3 wheeler (Imagine a parent now letting a kid on a 3 wheeler) and a Trail 90. My wife says I look like a big dork on it now, but hey, at least it turns heads which means drivers actually know I'm there.

Hmmm.... Same colors and similar capabilities off road. Would if I would bumper mount it to the trail hawk? They way I can go low range if the little Jeep won't fit.

As much as this is all satire, this is one I'd be more than happy to allow to exist.

Taurus SHO wagon. Yes, it IS.

Chevy Chase killed the wagon in North America. He made them looks so ridiculous, and nobody wanted to be associated with Clark Griswald.

Fixed it