I’m really curious who these chill cats are? Every cat I’ve had would freak the fuck out in a carrier. Non stop crying hissing clawing to get out, plus peeing and pooping. That does not sound like something I’d like strapped to my back.

We’re all basically living in an episode of Black Mirror but with less literal pig fucking.

Fun fact: Anyone who sees young Paul Newman lighting a cig with a laser whilst mounted upon a dinosaur will become pregnant. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter.

Nope. Its cool as fuck. Shutting down Nazis is cooler than a young Paul Newman lighting a cigarette with a laser while he’s riding a fucking dinosaur. There is literally nothing cooler and more American than punching Nazis right in their fucking Nazi fascist cunt faces.

Would it help if I told you the story about my aunt getting in trouble with the secret service for throwing a whole cooked ham at Dick Cheney?

I mean, this scenario has come up in the past. But only when I was playing Cards Against Humanity.

Great setup! Their planning was immaculate:

Of course he says he doesn’t remember anything. Why would he? When you are a famous person meeting a non-famous person, it’s far more likely that the interaction would just fade into the background of your memory, as opposed to when you are a non-famous person meeting a famous person. In 2007 I shook Barack Obama’s…

This is Maggie. A spoonful of peanut butter kept her still but she wasn’t happy about it.

Hi Blue! What a good dog!

Fuck this bitch ass pumpkin, that is all

Left-handed Indians represent! (Seriously, I love the Internet).

This seems to be a move in the right direction. On behalf of Team Cat, I approve this message.

Concerns about temperament are exactly why I only adopt adult dogs. People think that they will end up with a dog that is easy to live with if they raise the dog themselves, and buy a breed whose “personality” fits their lifestyle. But the truth is that breed personality types are stereotypes. And the breed specific…

I wish this punch was with a handbag....

If I could time travel, I would go back in time to when I was a little girl and tell me that it is OK to make a scene. If something is wrong, MAKE A BIG SCENE.