I don’t ask for much, universe, but please: Keep Cavill away from NFTs. 

at some point, software WILL become abandonware

Nintendo may not be required to provide free access to their back catalog, but they are also not required to actively shut down the attempts of others to preserve that catalog. They do it anyway. Nearly every art form has a way for people to view, borrow, or aquire copies of classic works. Hell, the Library of…

Lol, poor bitch. I can assure you I’m nothing of the sort, but the fact that you immediately assumed I am economically disadvantaged says a LOT about your worldview. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised a corporate bootlicker is also a social elitist.

I’m just going to pirate more because you said this. XD

Remember, its always, ALWAYS, good to pirate Nintendo games. They don’t want to sell them and they don’t respect them, why should I. So always jailbreak their shit and load it up with games they can’t take away. If they want to pretend those games didn't exist you can do your part so they are preserved somewhere.

You will be comforted to know that piracy is not just stealing. It’s more about consumer rights. Some people use piracy to steal but some people use cars to rob banks.

Apropos of nothing, jailbreaking a 3DS has become really easy and requires minimal investment

You could always just get some hookers instead.

All you need is a bit of random chance—or some friends

NOPE.

Nope

An audiobook of a novelisation of a movie adaptation of a video game

That’s what the Super Mario franchise is missing, a Dentistry themed game.

Princess Peach has teeth, as seen in Super Princess Peach on the DS when she gets angry:

Same. And Carrie Fisher for me, too. 

They have a marathon of AFHV episodes on youtube

Much like Phil Hartman, I will never not be sad about Bob Saget.

Monkey see, monkey do? Nah! Nintendo plays by their own rules. And we better thank the gaming Gods they do.